"Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body."- 1 Corinthians 6:19, 20
This verse popped up earlier this week. At first, I didn't really think too much about what it was saying. Then, God brought me back to it through heartbreak.
I've always believed, to some extent, that I'm not loved and I'm not worth loving. I often feel like I'm annoying and in the way. Sometimes I think about what would happen if I just disappeared. Would anyone notice...? Small, meaningless events trigger these thoughts. I'm left hurting, feeling small and worthless.
Without going into detail, these beliefs overwhelmed me this week. They've been building up, and I've been doing nothing to combat them. The other night, I was brought to my knees before God. I retreated to that dark place of painful loneliness, weeping and asking God to help, questioning His love and faithfulness.
How could You ever love me?
When I compare myself to others, inadequacy always wins. I often try to make myself enough through my own efforts, putting forth all I have to win the affection of those around me.
I want to be beautiful.
Make you stand in awe.
Look inside my heart,
And be amazed.
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough.
I just want to be worthy of love
I try to make myself beautiful with my relationships, my activities, my accomplishments, and whatever else I think will make me look good. I fight for the attention of the world, and when I lose it, I'm left questioning my value.
What am I worth to You, God?
In the eyes of the world, we have no value, but in God's eyes, we are priceless. The world tells us that love must be earned, but God says His love goes beyond anything we could ever do. We cannot earn God's love or attention, simply because we have it completely.
"Everyone is worthless in the eyes of themselves. But when you look at yourself through the eyes of Christ, a King who came down to be born in a manger, to live life with us, to wait as many of us have had to wait, and then to ultimately die for us the most excruciating painful death, but also to take on the sins of the world. Something completely spotless, devoid of all guilt, devoid of all anything to do with what we deserve, He took it upon Himself and He says you are so incredibly loved, so immensely valuable, and so infinitely beautiful to me that I came down so that you could be with me forever."
- T. B. LaBerge
When I look to the world and my friendships and my things for value, I'm always going to turn up empty. But when I look to the Cross, when I remember what Jesus did for me, I am reminded of the love that lead Jesus to death. The Cross gives me value.
"In this, the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent His only Son into the world, so that we might live through Him. In this love, not that we have loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins."
- 1 John 4:9-10
God makes me beautiful.
If God can accomplish His purposes in this world with a broken heart, then why not thank Him for breaking yours? I'm thankful for this pain, for it brought me closer to the heart of God and a better understanding of the value Jesus has given me. Has pain ever brought you into a greater understanding of God's love?